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Home » Lessons from the Winter Blues Part V

Lessons from the Winter Blues Part V

Hey y’all! I’m back with another lesson, and this is a conversation continued from the last post!  

This depression episode really helped me learn more about myself!  

I don’t know about you but life, work, and responsibilities can make me forget myself. My interests, my hobbies, my creativity, all of the things that make me me seem to get clouded and overlooked by the priorities of the day and season.  

Because I’ve been functioning as a performist for so long, I think I started to ignore what are natural characteristics about myself. Life experiences and survival mode became fuel to a need to show up as what everyone needed and expected from me. I’m a private person in general but I also had strong protective measures in place hiding the most vulnerable and authentic parts of myself. Eventually, the most real aspects of me were lost in the shuffle.  

Well, let me tell you, choosing others over self always leads to a season called lost.  

In this season, I lost my sense of self. I no longer knew what I was passionate about, what my dreams were, what fulfilled me…and best believe, if I wasn’t clear on these things, then I also wasn’t clear about what drained me, what hurt me, what was holding me back.  

Now, if this resonates with you, then you also know this next thought to be true. While you are wandering in this season of lost, everything becomes an obligation, and nothing eases the guilt of being dissatisfied with your life.  

This depressive episode was a shake up from the “life as usual” reality that I existed in, and it gave me a chance to recognize this season and also acknowledge the guilt. The guilt over showing up as less than my true self, but also guilt over feeling like it’s necessary. The guilt of wanting more but also the guilt of that desire overriding the blessings you know you already have. The stress of it all, and the discomfort of it all. This time, where it was just me and depression, gave me an opportunity to choose self over others. And that led to a path of beautiful growth and renewal.  

I used this time to become comfortable with what I know to be true about me.  

I am an introvert.  

I am an empath. 

I enjoy solitude. 

I enjoy simplicity in daily life.  

Nature and music are soothing companions that I seek more than human interaction.  

I am protective of self and will seek to create intimate moments of connection with others only when my cup is full and overflowing. 

I found comfort in knowing that if I can accept these things about myself, then I can grab the opportunity in front of me to create a life around that. 

It may be different than how others live, but I wasn’t created to be the same. And I’ve decided to own that!  

Let this post be a reminder: don’t resist the natural art of being.  

Who you were created to be is needed. Someone is waiting for the authentic you to show up. So, if you are hiding the best parts of you, grab a mirror and get reacquainted.  
 

I’m right there with you. 

See you back for the last lesson of the winter blues on Monday 5/31.